Dirty Smut
by Sybil Rowan
Summary: Enough said with the title! Wufei attempts to get revenge for them putting him into a dress, but it backfires Read my fan-fiction Gossip Mill if you want that background .
1. Chapter 1

Dirty Smut

11-7-2000

Summery: Enough said with the title! Wufei attempts to get revenge for them putting him into a dress, but it backfires (Read my fan-fiction _Gossip Mill _if you want that background). I only wrote this because my friends taunted me into it (Thanks, John R. This is for you). Not overtly graphic, but not exactly for kids either.

Warning: Too many screwed up pairings: 11x4, SPx3, 9x3, 2xDC, 1xSN... Heavy on the Relena bash! Foul language in the second part.

SPECIAL NOTE: These stories were written a long time ago, but I've never really done much with them. Some success with Weiss Kreuz fanfiction has encouraged me to go back and post all my old things here. My Gundam stories are typically comedy or spy-thrillers. These are some of my great ideas I got before I went to college so my writing isn't as good. I just feel compelled to get them on the Internet and off my hard drive. I haven't read any Gundam fanfiction in several years either so have no idea what's come and gone. This is mainly a purging on my part, but I still hope there are people who enjoy them. More will be on there way.

"I can't thank you enough, Master O, for setting this up with the other scientists. I am forever in your debt," Wufei said, smiling at the screen of his laptop.

"Well, those Polaroids Heero sent of you were quite fun. We decided fair is fair," Master O responded.

"He sent those damn pictures to you!"

"Yeah. Professor G said you have nice legs," Master O said with a smirk. Wufei screamed at the monitor before slamming the laptop shut. At least those dirty old perverts up in space were going to help him exact justice.

* * *

"Trowa, I think I got your assignment. Don't you work under Lady Une?" Quatre asked. His large, aqua eyes blinked up at the green-eyed pilot who wore a bizarre smile at the question.

"Oh yeah, I work _under_ her alright. She's a fantastic... leader of men. That's all. Nothing!" Trowa said. A blush crept over his normally impassive face.

"Since you say she's okay...," Quatre replied baffled by his best friend's sudden blush.

"What's stranger is that I have to work on an assignment with Noin and Po," Trowa said, suddenly looking just as baffled.

"Yeah, I got a weird one too," Duo piped in. "I have to work as a stable hand at the Dermail estate so I can find out what that old crab is up to."

"I got all of you beat," Heero said, slamming his laptop shut. They looked at the nightmarish version of Heero full of anger and dark energy. "I have to be Relena's bodyguard." The three boys held in their mirth as Heero thumbed the hammer on his gun.

* * *

Quatre looked at himself in a mirror; he couldn't believe he was wearing an OZ uniform. It didn't suit his sweet looks at all. He looked like one big contradiction, but he had to do as Instructor H requested.

He turned to the food cart and wheeled it down the hall towards Lady Une's quarters. He knocked on the door and waited. Too many long minutes passed. He knocked again.

"Come in, Mister Barton," Lady Une called out. Quatre flung open the door with a sunny smile and entered the darkened room.

"Lady Une? I'm filling in for Mister Barton. I'm... I'm Quatre...," his voice trailed off. He saw the Lady in a long black silk nightgown and fuzzy high heeled shoes. A lacy robe hung off her creamy shoulders. His skin blazed red at seeing her.

"Welcome to the Lunar Base. I hope you're as adept as Mister Barton at fulfilling all of his duties," she said, smiling at him. A bright, naive smile graced his face once again.

"I hope I can live up to your high expectations. Trowa said that this assignment was demanding, but totally do-able," Quatre replied.

"Lets get you started right away," Lady Une said, walking over to her a desk across the room. She rummaged through the door.

"Great! Should I report to the hanger bay and get a mobile suit?"

"Your first assignment is to report to my bed," Lady Une said. Quatre blinked for several long seconds not comprehending his assignment at all.

"Excuse me, ma'am? Did you want me to make up your bed? Is that it?" Quatre asked. Lady Une gave him a crooked eyebrow.

"You did talk to Trowa before you arrived, right?" she asked in a flat, incredulous tone.

"Sort of. He said I would experience things I never have and make several new discoveries about OZ Colonels," Quatre said. He took note of the handcuffs she held. The picture still wasn't sinking in. Lady Une's brandy-colored eyes sparkled with delight as a smile came to her rosy lips.

"I will have to give Mister Barton a promotion for sending me such a pretty, little present. Double time it to my bed! Hup two," she shouted. Quatre scrambled to her dark bedroom, not knowing what else to do.

* * *

"Trowa!" He turned to see Noin make her way towards him through the thick forest. He waved at her. They sat on a fallen tree. "Sorry, the assignment was canceled."

"Yeah, it's okay. We have to wait to move our mobile suits though," Trowa said. Sally Po came from the other side of the clearing and sat beside Trowa.

"I have camp set up so we can have some lunch," Sally. "I was pumped up. I have all this adrenaline."

"Me too," Noin said, slumping forward on her knees. "That worm Zechs stood me up again! Can you believe that, Sally? Again!"

"Well at least your man will acknowledge you. I'm so sick of trying to get Wufei's attention. Frigid little jerk," Sally said, sinking into the gossip, totally oblivious to Trowa who began to feel a little edgy. "I swear I'm going to spike his food with Viagra."

"Heck! Give some to Zechs while you're at it. Do you know how long it's been? Three weeks. And of course it was all about him," Noin bitched back to Sally, who nodded sympathetically. Trowa about choked on his tongue. The very last thing he wanted to hear about was Colonel Zechs Merquise's sex life.

"I think I'll go check on our mobile suits, ladies," Trowa blustered and rose suddenly. He started to march away, but hushed whispers stopped him. He looked over his shoulder towards the women who were wearing hungry looks while staring at his backside. He suddenly felt like a turkey in November. They both stood as he backed away from them. A tree halted his sudden retreat. Sweat began to form on his forehead.

"So sweety, have you got a girlfriend yet?" Sally asked, rubbing a finger up and down his muscled arm. "Oh. You are a strong young man, aren't you?"

"Hands off, Po! I saw him first," Noin shouted, yanking Trowa over by his other arm. Sally grabbed him back. The two women glowered at one another.

"Wait a minute," Sally said, looking back at Trowa. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen," he replied with trepidation.

"See, Noin," Sally said, pointing her thumb back towards her encampment. "He'll go for a long time. I've got plenty of orange juice to keep him hydrated. No need to be greedy."

"You're right, Sally. You're such a good friend. We'll flip to see who goes first." The women shook hands in front of Trowa's wide, emerald eyes.

"Wait a minute. Don't I...," he trailed off as they dragged him by his elbows in between them.

* * *

"This is the crappiest assignment ever," Duo hissed. He hosed out his third horse stall. He had to finish the clean up before he could make his way towards Dermail's mansion. He turned when he heard the clip clop of another horse. He was really beginning to despise the filthy creatures.

"Stable boy, come fetch my horse," Dorothy called. Duo glared up at the girl with wheat colored hair on top of a bay gelding. "I want you to brush him and bath him. Don't forget to oil my saddle. Can you understand all that?" Dorothy asked. She slid off her horse and brushed off her riding togs. Duo gave her an icy look and went to over to the hay stack .

He put some of it in the horses' stable with a pitchfork, before leading the horse into the stall. The girl kept staring at him, to his annoyance. He began to ignore her and then grow oblivious as he brushed the horse down.

"Would madam like me to lick her shoes while I'm at it?" he asked in a caustic tone as he began to shovel more hay around, thinking that she had left. Her hands squeezing his backside told him otherwise. He swirled around and brought the pitchfork to bear. She looked at him with glazed over cornflower eyes. "Hey! Hands off the merchandise, sister!" Dorothy tossed her hair and smiled before taking off her jacket.

"So are you gay or something?"

"Of coarse not, damn it! I like girls," Duo protested.

"And you're a healthy teenaged boy refusing free sex?" Dorothy asked, crossing her arms. Duo gave her several blinks and looked her body up and down. He rolled his eyes upwards in contemplative silence.

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that," Duo said, tossing the pitchfork over his shoulder. He grabbed her and slung her towards the large haystack. He started to strip frantically right before he pounced on Dorothy.

* * *

"Oh, Heero, it's so great you're accompanying me to tea," Relena gushed, latching onto his arm. "Afterwards you can take me for some ice cream and then we'll go to that Romefeller pool party. Oh won't it be such fun?" Heero felt his jaw clinch at the thought of several fat Romefeller brats sunning themselves in Speedos.

"This way, Miss Darlian," the servant said, ushering them into a formal livingroom. Heero felt a tremor hit him as he saw the blonde girl on the sofa. It was Sylvia Noventa. Her green eyes looked away in sorrow. He felt his heart sink to the floor. He had forgotten how lovely she really was.

"Heero," Relena snapped. "Get us our tea." Heero complied, just grateful Relena wasn't touching him any longer. The girls sat on the sofa and began to talk about world events as he brought out the silver tea service. He thrust a cup at Relena, hoping she would burn her mouth.

"How should I make your tea, Sylvia?" He asked, desperate to get the girl's attention. She looked up shyly.

"A little milk, please." He prepared it and made sure it wasn't to hot or cold. He'd rather cut off his arm than see Sylvia hurt because of him again. "Thank you." She and Relena began to talk again as he took a seat across the coffee table from them.

Relena kept eyeing him, but Sylvia refused to even glance his way. It was as if Heero didn't exist. He wouldn't have that. He wanted Sylvia to know he existed.

"Miss Darlian," a servant called from the hall way. "You have a phone call from your boarding school."

"You know, being the most popular girl in school is a hard burden to bear sometimes," Relena sighed and left the room. Heero felt suddenly giddy and rather warm just being alone with Sylvia. She gave him a polite smile and turned back to her tea. That was all the encouragement he needed.

"Sylvia, could you meet me for dinner tonight. I would really like to get to know you. Everything about you. Every detail," Heero said. Sylvia gave him a wide-eyed look and shook her head coyly.

"I don't think that's appropriate. You seem like a nice enough boy, but with you and Relena being engaged...."

"Who said we're engaged?" Heero's growl caused Sylvia to flinch back. "Oh, Sylvia, I didn't mean to scare you, but I would never marry Relena. She's repulsive to me."

"Hey, Heero," Relena called out from the door way. "I got you a present. Matching bathing suits for the pool party."

"That's the straw that just broke my back," Heero growled, standing up. He had physical needs that were dying to be met with the need to get away from Relena bundled beside it. He was going to get laid today come hell or high water, but it wasn't going to be with that Peacecraft bitch. He lunged over the table and yanked Sylvia up. He swung her over his shoulder and leaped out the balcony a la Quazimoto as Relena wailed for him to come back.

* * *

"You mean naked? With no clothes?" Lady Une flopped back on her bed and rolled her eyes at Quatre's question.

"Yes. Please get with the program," she said, propping up on her elbow.

"Does Trowa participate in this sort of thing?"

"Yes. All the time and quite well. Sit here," Lady Une directed. Quatre sat on the bed beside her. She began to undress him.

"I've never done this type of thing before," Quatre squeaked out as she started to nibble his ear.

"No, really? I would have never guessed," she said in unveiled sarcasm. "Come on. It'll be fun."

"Well, okay," he said as she got to his shirt. "Um... what do I do?"

"Everything I say," she said, forcing him to lay on her bed. She straddled his stomach and handcuffed him to her headboard. "Have you ever been disciplined for begin so naughty?"

"I'm really a good person, Colonel. This won't reflect badly on my..."

"Okay, let me be blunt," Lady Une said, leaning over Quatre. She whisper the details of Trowa's last time being chained to her bed.

"People do that!"

"Trowa likes it. So does Mister Treize and Colonel Merquise. Just relax and play along or I'll have to punish you," she said, getting a riding crop from under a satin pillow.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good, boy. Now I won't have to spank you."

* * *

"Come on, Noin. Don't use him all up," Sally called out. Noin appeared suddenly at the tent flap and stretched towards the sky. "Well?"

"Oh good lord, that boy is wasting his talents in a Gundam. After the war he could be a gigolo. He said Lady Une has been breaking him in. Remind me to write her a thank you note."

"Well. I have to see about this right now," Sally said, entering the tent. "I hope you've rested up some." Trowa looked up from the sleeping bags spread around him.

"I think I can accommodate you in a minute," Trowa said, sipping some orange juice. He lay back as Sally threw off her clothes. She dropped beside him.

"How about now?"

"Well, I'm a little tired right now," Trowa said. Sally looked under the covers at Trowa.

"My God! Noin said you should be gigolo, but boy you could make some money as a porn star if that's what you look like when you aren't in the mood."

"If you'll just be a little patient."

"I can think of another way you can make me happy until your in the mood again," Sally snatched his juice away and shoved his head under the covers.

* * *

Duo rose naked as jaybird off of Dorothy and stretched towards the stable's ceiling. He rubbed his belly and let out a huge yawn. Dorothy curled up in the hay barely able to move.

"Come on, girl. That was the warm up. Time to screw like there's no tomorrow in your house."

"What? I don't know about that," she said, shutting her eyes.

"What do you mean? You started this. I'm not finished yet," Duo groused, picking hay out of his braid.

"Well... Grandfather and Uncle Treize aren't due back until tomorrow, so I guess it'll be okay." Dorothy stood up slowly, easing into her sore body. Duo was the best time Dorothy had ever had, but he was a little overenthusiastic. She went to pick up her clothing. Duo hoisted her up and over his bare shoulder before she could retrieve anything.

"I definitely have plans. Where is Treize's desk?"

"What do you have in mind?" Dorothy asked, swatting his firm butt playfully.

"I want to do it on Treize Khushrenada's desk."

"Uncle will kill me," Dorothy wailed.

"How's he going to know? Don't be such a little chicken. After that I'll find something else to do that's really kinky," Duo said, sitting her down in the back hallways of the mansion after they had slipped inside.

"I'm not a little chicken. As a matter of fact, I'll go you one further," Dorothy said, leading Duo towards the formal dinning room where heads of state and all sorts of Romefeller dignitaries ate and discussed politics. "Grandfather just gave a speech about destroying the Gundams from this very spot." She sat up on the table and beckon Duo over. He jumped up and stood over her as she spread out seductively for him. "Are you sure you want to go again?"

"Oh yeah, baby," he said, hurling himself on top of her.

* * *

"This a dream come true for me, Sylvia. Just sitting next to you is like heaven," Heero said, putting his head on her shoulder. He had taken her straight to a motel room, where they talked in depth and reconciled their issues with one another. After that Heero had declared his undying devotion to her, which she accepted demurely. "You're soft and gentle. You make me earn your love rather than try to suffocate me with it."

"I don't know if I love you, but we could talk and see where things will go."

"That's all I want, Sylvia Noventa." He wrapped his arms around her. They tumbled back onto the bed and snuggled chastely for several long minutes.

"Heero! I know your in there! Let me in," Relena cried out. She started to pound on the room door. He shot the door a death glare and gritted his teeth. "Come out now! You still have to take me to the pool party."

"I'll take her to a pool party," Heero said, getting a twitch in his eye as he untangled from Sylvia. She laid a hand on his wrist.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes, Sylvia," he answered sincerely. She nodded smiled at him.

"I can tell. Let me handle this for you," Sylvia said, standing up. She walked over to the door and punched Relena out in one smooth motion. Relena tumbled in and groaned as Sylvia shut the door. Heero leapt up and poked Relena's shoulder. He knelt in front of Sylvia.

"Marry me," Heero demanded, warping his arms around her legs. Sylvia sunk down to his level and allowed Heero their first kiss. "Where did you learn to hit like that?"

"Grandfather was the Heavyweight champion for the Alliance three years running."

"Thank you, Mister Noventa," Heero wailed heavenwards. "I truly feel forgiven."

"Get your hands off of my Heero, you hussy," Relena said, coming around.

"Now that's my last straw," Sylvia said, standing up and grabbing the telephone cord. Heero picked up Relena and forced her into a chair. They tied her up as she cried and pleaded with Heero. "Now listen here. Heero and I need some time to ourselves to start a relationship. You're going to sit and listen from that closet."

"If you're good and don't make a sound we'll let you go after we're finished," Heero said, making an impromptu gag out of an pillow case. "Otherwise we'll leave you in there for the maid service."

Heero dragged the chair by the back into the closet after Sylvia had opened it for him. She slammed the door when he emerged. He took Sylvia in his arms and carried her over to the bed and then laid her on it. He slid in beside her, resting on his right.

All thoughts of their prisoner vanished as he started to kiss Sylvia again. He slowly unbutton her blouse and rubbed his knuckles gently over one of her pert breasts. Her rapid breathing brought thrills to Heero he never knew he could experience. He sat up and removed his clothing in a methodical fashion.

To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

Dirty Smut: Part 2

11-7-2000

Quatre lay sweaty and numb under Lady Une. His backside was covered in welts and throbbed horribly. He found it was nice to let someone else control him rather than having to make thousands of decisions. He was always striving to be good and seeking approval. He was getting attention by not doing what he should. It was a wicked thrill.

"Had enough?" Lady Une asked.

"Please let me up. I'll be good. I won't try to run," Quatre pleaded.

"You know what will happen if you do?"

"Yes, Mistress," he said, feeling her uncuff him. He scampered to the edge of her bed in a false get away attempt only to have her draw him back by his hair. "Please let me go. I'm afraid. I've done everything you said. Please." She slapped him across the face and recuffed one of his wrists. She flipped him on his back and straddled him again.

"You've turned out to be rather pleasing to me. I'm not finished yet," Lady Une said.

"No, ma'am. I'm serious. I'm a little on the tired side and I...."

"No excuses! Barton wouldn't whine like this. He would still be going," Lady Une said, leaving Quatre to curse Trowa's stamina.

* * *

Trowa slipped under the tent's canvas wall and tried to make a run for Heavyarms' semi. Sally appeared in front of him and tossed him with a Kung Fu technique into the grass. He shook his dizzy head and sat up.

"I found him, Noin. He tried making a break for his Gundam," Sally shouted out. Noin appeared a few minutes later.

"Where do you think you're going, Mister?" Noin asked with a gleam.

"It's time for me to go, ladies. I'm a little worn out. Between us we went four times today. Isn't that enough for now?" Sally and Noin grabbed his elbows between them and dragged him back towards the encampment. "Ladies? Ladies?!"

* * *

"Oh Dorothy," Duo said, sweeping Treize Khushrenada's desk clean of every implement and piece of paper. "We're about to embark on the biggest 'fuck you' to your Uncle I've never hoped to achieve. I could almost cry." She twined her hand with his and leaned on his arm. The couple stared at the now empty desk and shivered in anticipation.

"Oh yes. This one goes to all my stuck up, abusive, cock sucking relatives who knew my mom was beating the shit out of me and didn't lift a finger to help. Screw you, Uncle Treize!" Duo wrapped an arm around her and gave her a searching smile. Her reflective smile was devious.

"You okay, girl?"

"Oh yeah. I say we do it in his bed next!"

"That's the spirit," Duo said, hoisting her on top of the desk. He unfastened his braid slowly and climbed over her with grace. His chestnut hair spilled over them in the dim light as he began to work on her numb erogenous zones again.

* * *

Heero drew up a sheet over him and Sylvia. He took her in his arms and clutched her to his chest. He didn't want to ever let her go. He couldn't. As they were dozing off into a light sleep a knock at the door caused them to crack their eyes and glare at the door. Relena began to squeal from the closet. Heero rose and put his boxers on. He gave the closet a firm kick on his way to the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's Simon Halloway and the gang," a strange male called through the door. "Relena said she was picking up her boyfriend here."

"Last time I saw her she was making out with her old butler in the parking lot. His hand was up her skirt and everything," Heero called back through the door with wicked smirk. Sylvia was chuckling behind her hand as Relena thudded against the door furiously.

"Oh! That's sick. Man, are you sure?"

"Oh yeah. Why don't you go find her limo?" Heero said. He turned back towards Sylvia as foot steps fell away. He sat beside her and gently kissed her lips. She slid aside to make him room while Relena sniveled pitifully.

* * *

Quatre threw a salute to Lady Une after he finished getting dressed. She was dressed in her uniform as well and sitting on her sofa.

"I hope I lived up to Barton's high standards, ma'am."

"Oh yes. For a while I thought you were a little too pure for this. You caught on just nicely. Now! Report to hanger bay three and get yourself a mobile suit. Send that idiot Nickole up here. I haven't chewed his ass in eighteen hours. I don't want him under the impression he's getting competent. Dismissed."

"Aye, ma'am," Quatre said, turning on his heels and limping towards the door.

* * *

"Bye, Trowa. Be sure to send Wufei my love," Sally called from the tent with a wave. Noin leaned on Sally's shoulder and waved as well with blown kisses.

"Yeah. Anytime you need backup you just call on me. You know the number," Noin shouted.

"No. Call me. I'll make sure that nice tight ass is covered anytime," Sally countered, waving harder.

"I saw him first," Noin wailed, shoving Sally. The two women started to bicker as Trowa dragged himself into his semi and started to shake horribly in weak exhaustion.

* * *

"Dorothy, Dorothy, Dorothy," Duo moaned, gripping her waist as his head trashed. He looked up at her jiggling breast and almost lost his staying ability. Lights flared on suddenly.

The couple disengaged their intercourse and rolled off behind the desk. Duo squeezed his eyes together and muttered 'Ohshitohshitohshit' until he felt Dorothy begin to peek over the desk. He did likewise. Treize Khushrenada and Duke Dermail were at the door dressed in hunters togs. They each had their hunting rifles slung over their arms and identical looks of shock.

"Um... you wouldn't believe what happened. I saw a termite on Uncle Treize's desk so I called this termite expert and he killed it. Thank you so much, Mister Maxwell. You can send the bill in the mail. Good night."

"Yes, ma'am. I'll be leaving now," Duo said, standing slowly and shaking Dorothy's hand vigorously. "You'll get the bill in two to three..."

Duo looked over to where the Duke was loading his gun and gritting his teeth. His heart thudded in his chest as the old man began to bring the rifle to bear. Treize put a hand on the Duke's barrel and shook his head.

"Please. Allow me," Treize said and loaded his rifle.

"Run, Duo!" Dorothy shouted. Duo bolted towards the french doors with a loud scream as a boom thundered beside him. Treize took aim again, but Dorothy knocked the barrel towards the ceiling before Duo's pale butt received buckshot. "Please, Uncle Treize, don't hurt him!"

"Dorothy, go get some clothing while your Uncle takes care of that dog," the Duke said, throwing his coat over Dorothy as Treize followed Duo's screams into the forest.

* * *

Heero leaned over and brushed his lips against Sylvia's before closing their hotel room. He put his arm over her shoulder and guided her down the stairs. They passed Relena's pink limo where Pegan was on top of it while several teenaged boys circled around throwing fruit at him.

"Should we help him?"

"No, Darling. Let him be," Heero answered, helping her into a black car owned by one of the fruit throwers. He got into the driver's side and readjusted the seat for his height. "I'll take you back to your grandmother's only if you promise to see me tomorrow." Heero began to hot-wire the car with deft expertise.

"What if I don't?" she answered with a slightly worried expression.

"Than I will never take you home. You'll be mine forever."

"Oh Heero, I'll see you. Just tame yourself some. You frighten me a little sometimes. Just sometimes," she answered, drawing herself away from him. He reached over and took her hand. She gave him a hesitant smile as he drove off. In the rear-view mirror the five fruit throwers were chasing them on foot.

Heero ran a red light and lost them as a semi missed by half an inch. Sylvia was now balled up under his arm in tears. His heart raced. She was as good as his. Scaring her towards him would only be for her own good. He started to stroke her hair.

"Darling, did we forget something at the hotel?" She relaxed now and studied his intense expression. A giggle escaped her.

"I believe we did. I don't think we have time to go back," she said, snuggling into him now. "Maybe you should call the hotel."

"If I remember. I doubt I will though," Heero said, turning the car towards Grandmother Noventa's townhouse.

* * *

Wufei settled on the sofa and checked his watch once again. They were all late. That was a good sign. He had begged the Scientists to mismatch the assignments and make sure they would get the most miserable ones for their talents. Good! All he had to do was wait and hear about their crappy days. He couldn't wait!

Quatre entered suddenly with a stiff limp and smile. Trowa followed right behind him. He was slumping. Wufei watched the pair as they went to the kitchen and came back with ice packs. Quatre flopped on his stomach and put the ice pack on his ass while Trowa spread out on the opposite corner of the sofa. He put an ice pack on his crotch and the other on his head.

"What happened to you two?"

"Nothing! Lady Une is a great leader of men! Nothing," Quatre shouted and hid his head under a pillow.

"My mission was canceled. By the way, Sally said hello," Trowa mumbled towards the ceiling. The door banged open. The three gawked at Duo who stood nude with his hair flying everywhere. He slammed the door shut and leaned against it with large bulging eyes darting back and forth between the other pilots.

"What? You act as if you never seen one before," Duo shouted as he ran to his room. He came back out and laid in front of the sofa now with a bathrobe and his hair in a ponytail.

"Duo, are you okay?" Quatre asked, looking down at the carpet.

"Oh hell yeah! It was worth getting shot at to tweak that asshole. Guess what I did! I had sex on Treize Khushrenada's desk! Yes, me. Yours truly had sex all over Duke Dermail's home and paid special attention to the Khushrenada desk. He, he, he! Oh was it sweet. I'm going to sneak in and do it again!"

"Duo, did you have to do that," Quatre hissed and buried his head again.

"What? You mean rather than do your assignment you fucked some floozy on Treize's desk," Wufei roared.

"Yeah, and don't call her a floozy, you jerk," Duo hissed back.

"Great. Well, what about you two. You look like you had a miserable time," Wufei said with glee in his eyes.

"Actually, Trowa was right. Everyone should serve some time under Lady Une. She has many interesting things to teach," Quatre smirked up at Wufei.

"Did she give you the treatment?"

"Oh did she ever," Quatre said at Trowa's question.

"I couldn't get Noin or Po to do it. They did have their ways though," Trowa said. Duo leaned up on his elbows.

"You guys got laid too?" Duo asked. Trowa and Quatre nodded as Duo slapped their hands and flopped back down.

"Wait a minute! You said Po? As in Sally?" Wufei asked, dragging Trowa upwards.

"No ring on her finger. She jumped me because no one is obliging her needs," Trowa said breaking away from Wufei. He settled back beside Quatre's feet.

"Women don't have those kinds of needs. They can't get horny," Wufei declared. The three worn out pilots laughed hysterically at Wufei's statement. They threw pillows at Wufei and tried to ignore him. Minutes later Wufei's last hope at revenge was dissolved as Heero walked in with a gentle smile on his face.

"How was your day with Relena?" Wufei mocked.

"I spent the day with Sylvia Noventa. Relena is tied up in some hotel some where. Maybe one of you should check on her," Heero said, about to drift towards his bedroom.

"Wait a minute! Not you too. Did you and Sylvia do it?" Wufei asked in horror. Heero nodded and disappeared in his room. "All of you suck! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you all!"

"Wu-man, they make medicine for those outbursts now," Duo said as Wufei stalked outside, slamming the door.

"What's eating him?" Quatre asked.

"Maybe he should go get laid. It would take some of that stress away," Duo said as the three relaxed like cozy cats next to a fire.

The End.


End file.
